Forget the F-words, ignore the erections: How could an entire plane collectively decide to see Daddio? | film

WWhen a set of factors go wrong in a situation with such precision that the damage is maximized, we tend to call it a perfect storm. Be attentive and you will hear it all the time; A few days ago the shortage of social housing in England was blamed on a perfect storm, likewise America is currently bracing for a perfect storm of election chaos, and space recently experienced a perfect storm of solar activity. The term is, of course, based on a 2000 film in which George Clooney sailed a boat in a hurricane.

However, I would like to suggest a change. Instead of calling something a perfect storm, from now on I recommend calling it Daddio. This is a real choice daddio. Wow, public housing in this country is really stupid. Did you see the sun daddioing the other day?

I would like to suggest this because a mistake on a recent Qantas flight resulted in every passenger being forced to watch Daddio, a film which features an erect penis.

You may have already read the story. If not, here is a brief summary. On flight QF59 from Sydney to Tokyo, passengers were unable to select their individual films from the on-board offering due to a technical defect. However, the error allowed the same film to be shown in every seat at the same time. According to Qantas, staff then asked passengers which movie they would like to see. The winner was apparently Daddio, a new drama starring Dakota Johnson and Sean Penn.

However, “Daddio” contains a few spicy sequences and is therefore not suitable for all passengers. Unfortunately, the error resulted in the screens being unable to pause, dim, or turn off. To make matters worse, the passengers couldn't escape the scenes simply by removing their headphones, as all of the sequences take the form of sexting. Someone texts beforehand saying “help me cum” and “cock so hard,” that’s right, and sends a photo of their penis. Eventually Qantas saw the point and replaced it with a children's film, but the whole affair was clearly a daddio of epic proportions.

Of course mistakes can happen. If the Daddio incident reminds me of anything at all, it's the time our science teacher accidentally let us watch a VHS of the 1994 Jean-Claude Van Damme film “Timecop” at the end of 9th grade, only to see it in one Nuisance to crush red-faced nervousness during the scene in which a completely naked woman writhes on a satin bed. So there are precedents for something like this.

However, the question remains: why Daddio? The Qantas in-flight entertainment offering includes a range of big hits including Inside Out 2, The Fall Guy, A Quiet Place: Day One and Bad Boys: Ride or Die. These are all big mainstream films with varying degrees of impact. And yet the passengers apparently chose Daddio.

In fact, despite the sexting, the headlines about the Daddio incident were a bit misleading. While it's true that the film is inappropriate – there's no way to look past the penis – it's mostly extremely boring. The entire film takes place in a taxi driving between an airport and a city and is just one long dialogue between Dakota Johnson and Sean Penn. There are lots of pauses, lots of meaningful glances. It's fine as an experiment, but totally fine once you figure it out for yourself.

But this is a film that was apparently chosen by the majority of an entire airliner. When hundreds of people were asked how they would prefer to spend a tiring nine-hour flight, they apparently answered by preferring a thoughtful, dialogue-heavy two-hander to a fun film like “The Fall Guy.” Who the hell are these people? What ridiculous pathology causes the majority of passengers to decide that they should watch for an hour to silence the nagging thought that human flight is a betrayal of God's wishes and that only a thin sheet of metal can keep them from one An unimaginably terrible death separates 41 minutes of Dakota Johnson looking sadly through a car window?

It makes no sense. It's completely disturbing to me and I don't think I can rest until I get concrete answers. Forget the penis, this choice was the real Daddio.